just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
