Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
