We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
