I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
