Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
