How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
