summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
