lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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