why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
