Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
