we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
