Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
