the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
