He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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