saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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