So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
