Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
