Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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