I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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