These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
