I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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