HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
