Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
