but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
