I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do vagina's smell?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
