I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My feet surprised me
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