the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
