it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
