So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
