I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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