I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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