I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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