the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
