You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
