Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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