I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
