Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
