Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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