handjob tips. give me some.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
