He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
