Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
