well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
