Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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