no, he came in my armpit
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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