So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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