why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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