A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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