I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
