i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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