better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
