Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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