Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
