Im at strip club and am horny
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
