My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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